Pens

At our house, I am constantly buying multi-packs of cheap pens, yet rarely (if ever) do we throw one out because it ran out of ink.

We've lived in our house for over 23 years, so undoubtedly I've bought THOUSANDS of pens. Where are all these pens???!!!

My hope had always been, that if I buy enough pens, an ample supply would be around the house, and I'd get to the point of never having to buy anymore, but that point seems to be a highly elusive impossible goal.

I Have Only One Goal In Life...

...to ride in the Oscar Meyer weinermobile! (then I can die in peace).

The Presto Hot Dogger

When I was a kid in the 60's, we had a Presto Hotdogger. They were cool, in that it cooked a hot dog in 60 seconds flat (similar to a microwave), but the drawback, was that the hot dogs had a major "electrical" taste, especially at the ends, where they contacted the electrical probes!!!

Firing Tear Gas In My School's Bathroom!

When I was a kid, my mom had a "starter pistol", that she kept in her purse, that had tiny tear gas bullets that I remember were made in Germany. I guess the idea was, you shoot somebody in the face that tries to attack you.

Anywho, I found that if you throw these "bullets" on hard ground, they go off. So I brought some to school when I was in junior high. So for a prank, I went into the boy's bathroom, and when nobody was around, I threw a couple of bullets on the floor, and then left quickly. Then I'd watch when somebody went in the bathroom and came out rubbing their eyes!!! It was quite funny! Hehe!

Peeing Often At Night - I Don't Get It!!!

I simply don't get it. The night before last whilst in my truck, I lost count of how many times I emptied the ole bladder. Must have been 7 or 8 times, and over 1/2 gallon (my record is 3/4 gallon!).

Last night while at home, I got up only ONE time to pee.

This is annoying, and makes no sense!!!

Also, when I wake up in the truck to pee, almost always I have penile erectility, even though the dream I just had was not at all erotic. Then, I have to wait for it to go down, before I can even begin to micturate.

Sporting A Swastika For Sport

Way somewhere back in the late 60's (whilst in junior high school), for sport I used a black permanent marker, and drew a bold Swastika on the (colored red) end of my trumpet mute. I used it that way in band, all the way thru the mid 70's. NOBODY ever complained, because political correctness apparently was not invented yet!

I even used it in Skokie, IL, which has a huge Jew population, and (back then) had a bunch of holocost survivors.

What The Heck Is Going On Here!!!???

For cry eye! I've been on the road for nearly 5 years now. I've carried 1-2 gallons of milk in my cooler, each and every week.

Until last week, I've NEVER had a milk leak. Both last week AND this week, I've had milk leaks!!! Let me tell you brother, it is not long after milk leaks in a cooler that it sours, and stinks to high heaven, every time you open the cooler lid.

What A Doofus!

Let's Bring Back Tarring & Feathering!!!

There are some cases, where tarring & feathering someone would be an ideal punishment. Example: The case where the mother sent the Russian kid back to Russia!!!
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A Real Riveting Story

I was at a redlight behind a Ford Ranger. Now, Rangers normally have their license plate on the bumper. Well, this Ranger had no bumper. So the stooge maniac owner actually drilled four (4) holes in his tailgate, and actually riveted the license plate on! What a doofus!

Alan (Dis)Grayson: What A Doofus!!!

How did this hunk of turd ever get elected to Congress???

http://www.wftv.com/news/23105860/detail.html
(watch the bizarre video!)

Remember Fizzies???

They are still available, if you order online @ fizzies.com

Why The Deliberate Grammatical Error In Church Signs?

It should say "He Has Risen".